There are moments in life when ordinary buttons simply will not do.

A doorbell is too polite.
A light switch lacks authority.
A calculator is no help unless the emergency is mathematical, and even then it tends to look smug.

That is why Fact Goblin proudly presents the Goblin Emergency Button, a large and important-looking device designed for moments of sudden goblin concern, procedural alarm, biscuit instability, or unidentified cupboard noises.

Press it only when absolutely necessary.

Or when mildly curious.

Or when you want to see what happens.

What does it do?

Upon activation, the Goblin Emergency Button immediately declares an official emergency from the Department of Alarms, Buttons and Mild Panic.

Possible outcomes include:

• urgent goblin proclamations
• administrative wobbling
• suspiciously confident warnings
• alarm noises of questionable nautical origin
• increased biscuit vigilance
• a general sense that someone, somewhere, has dropped a clipboard

The emergency may not be real, but it will be treated with tremendous seriousness by everyone who has nothing better to do.

When should I press it?

You should press the Goblin Emergency Button if:

• a fact has escaped containment
• the kettle is whistling in Latin
• a goblin is approaching with a stamp
• someone has filed a complaint against gravity
• the emergency sandwich has gone missing
• you feel the situation requires a button with far too much confidence

Please do not press the button during calm moments unless you wish to replace them with better ones.

Is it safe?

Mostly.

The button has been tested by several goblins, one intern, and a confused man from accounts who thought it was the lift button.

Side effects may include shouting, wobbling, spontaneous bureaucracy, and the sudden need to secure all biscuits.

Official warning

This button should not be used as a substitute for real emergency services, common sense, adult supervision, or reading the instructions.

In the event of an actual emergency, contact the proper authorities.

In the event of a goblin emergency, press the button and stand well back.